Interview with Allison: Learn How We Work Together
How long have you been doing what you do and how did you get to be a Relationship & Intimacy Coach?
I have been coaching “unofficially” for decades, but shifted into a full-time career as a coach in February, 2018. I spent over 20 years climbing the corporate ladder in Finance and always supported colleagues (above and below me) with fresh perspectives, a keen ear, a lack of judgement and an open heart. Coaching didn’t only happen at work, but with family, friends and even strangers. I always felt (and feel) so honored when people share their deepest, most intimate thoughts, feelings and experiences with me. After a job loss, I knew I didn’t want to work in corporate any longer and really wanted to lean into supporting others. It was through my own experience of coaching that I realized how transformational it was and how it impacted and shifted EVERY area of my life, not just the one we were talking about at the moment. It was important to me to get some intensive training around this, so I enrolled in a year-long coach and leadership training program and graduated the program in January of 2019.
Although I started out intending to be a life coach, and then took a little detour to do executive coaching, I realized early in the summer of 2019 that Relationship & Intimacy coaching was my purpose and my passion. I say “realized” because while I always love talking about love, I thought I had to use my professional experience in my professional life. It took a couple of bottles of wine and some deep conversation with my partner for me to realize that it was actually my personal experience that was my gift and the purpose of all that I went through was to be used to support others and build my business.
I’ve been through a lot when it comes to relationships. I’ve been divorced twice. The first was at 22 years old to get out of an abusive relationship and the second was at 35 years old when my ex-husband decided he just didn’t want to be married any longer. I have a son from my first marriage and a daughter and son from my second. I then spent my late 30s dating a ridiculous amount and met Austin when I was 38. We dated for a year, but alas, he was not perfect, so I broke up with him. As time went on, I realized how much I was missing him (rather than getting over him) and a year later I asked if he would be willing to give it another go. He was hesitant, but willing, as long as we “took it slow”. That lasted until he walked me to my car and kissed me. We haven’t looked back since! I’ve learned so much from all of those relationships and while my experience isn’t the experience of most people, I can certainly relate to a lot. While my way is just one of a million ways to create a beautiful relationship, I’d find nothing more rewarding that supporting others in creating a relationship that supports their own want, needs and desires.
Who are your clients exactly?
You are my client if you are in a committed relationship and ARE committed TO the relationship and your partner. However, life has taken over and your relationship has fallen down on the priority list. You now realize that you are feeling lonely, disconnected, and perhaps frustrated and bored. You lie in bed at night and even though your partner may be lying next to you, you feel more alone than ever. Affection and physical intimacy are lacking or non-existent. Dinners are quiet because you don’t know what to talk about. You want it back! You want the fun, the excitement, the anticipation of being with that person. You want the physical affection, flirting and intimacy back; the type where you can’t keep your hands off each other.
My clients want to find connection, playfulness, flirting and affection within their relationship, but don’t want it to feel like a chore. My clients want to reignite the passion and desire they used to have for their partners. They want to feel deeply supported and unconditionally loved.
How are you different from other coaches?
I’m different in that I coach you to create the relationship according to YOUR design, to fulfill YOUR wants, needs and desires and because of this, you will not only create a deeper, more powerful, more intimate connection your partner, but also with yourself. I’m different in that while I have lots and lots of tools to help you, I don’t have a one size fits all process or program because you and your relationship are perfectly unique and I want to help you explore and appreciate that uniqueness.
It’s my job to help empower you and support you in creating a great relationship. We are partners. We sit side by side to figure out how to get your from where you are to where you want to be. We work together to move old stories and limiting beliefs out of the way of you getting what you want. While we certainly focus on your relationship, your life is not a handful of silos that say “Relationship”, “Kids”, “Work”, “Friends”, “Me” etc. They are all woven together, so when we work on one area of your life, it makes an impact in all areas of your life, in ways you can’t even imagine. And often, it’s other areas of our life that may be creating challenges in our relationship that we don’t even realize.
I’m not here to tell you to feed you seemingly simple solutions like having a date night once a week or to schedule sex (although if that works for you, go for it) that don’t actually solve or change anything. I’m here to help you figure out what would be meaningful and beneficial for you to have in your relationship and ways for you to go about achieving, creating, manifesting, and adding those things to your life.
It’s also important to note that while I do coach couples, it’s absolutely possible for you to do this without your partner participating in the coaching. I’m here to help empower you to take what you’ve learned and apply it to your relationship, to share it and teach your partner as another way to create connection and intimacy with them.
What type of personality do you work best with and what is expected of me?
Here is the primary criteria for who I work best with AND what is expected of you: You must be willing to look inside of yourself and do internal, heart and soul work.
I work best with open-minded people that are willing to take responsibility for having the lives they really want. I work best with people that are willing to give new things a try and willing to let go of the idea that the past is an indicator of our future.
I expect that you will be honest, authentic and vulnerable with me. I know trust takes time to develop, and that’s fine and to be expected. However, the results you will create will directly correctly to the amount of honesty, authenticity and vulnerability you are willing to share with me. I can only go as deep as you are willing to let me. In turn, I will always do my absolute best to remain in full love and support of you, and without judgement. If at any time you feel I’m not, you are not just welcomed, but invited, to let me know how you are feeling.
For what type of person will coaching NOT work?
Coaching is about taking ownership of creating the life, career, relationship etc. you want. If you have a tendency to blame others and not be accountable for your actions, coaching most likely will not work. If you have a tendency to be a victim to your circumstances and those around you, coaching mostly likely will not work. If you expect to be told exactly what to do, coaching will not work. Now, if you’re open to acknowledging those things about yourself and willing to make some changes, that changes everything and coaching could be very impactful for you.
Do you only coach married couples? Do you only coach heterosexual couples?
No and no. I coach anyone in a committed relationship that needs support, regardless of legal commitment or sexual orientation.
Does Coaching really work?
Yes, it does work, but only if you work. I am living proof that coaching can change your life, but it’s an investment in yourself. It’s not just a financial investment, but an investment in doing the internal work first (who you are being) and then the outside work (what you are doing) second. As all good, solid investments, the results take time to grow and mature and it’s a long-term game, but the rewards are oh-so-sweet! There are beautiful dividends paid out along the way, such as peace, joy, fulfillment, connection, calm, adventure and anything else that matters to you.
What results can I expect?
Ultimately, you are the designer and owner of the results. It’s really about what matters to you.
You can expect to:
Find ease and flow, joy and peace not only in your relationship, but in your life.
Learn how to communicate your feelings, wants, needs and desires to your partner, which creates deeper and more intense connection and intimacy.
Create more fun and play in your life and your relationship.
Get the support you need to create the life you want.
See your self-worth improve.
Learn how to create healthy boundaries.
Learn how to create goals that keep you headed in the same direction
Learn how to stay connected even if you’re at different points on your journey together.
Develop deeper physical intimacy and desire for each other.
Create practices within your relationship that foster support, love, respect and fun.
Happily take responsibility and ownership
Drop resentments and old hurts – of your partner and of yourself.
Develop new ways of handling issues, circumstances and challenges that used to get you upset.
See improvements in other relationships and areas of your life.
How quickly can I expect results?
Unfortunately, that is not a question I can definitively answer for you. It really depends upon the goals, the awareness created, and the willingness to make changes and/or take action. It entirely possible to see small or big results in a single session, but true lasting transformation often takes several months to create.
What exactly do I need to DO and how much time will I need to spend to see results?
The only guaranteed time commitment you need to make is to attend our coaching sessions. While there will often be practices and homework for you to take on during the week, they often will take little to no extra time during the week. Often, it’s a shift in mindset, thought processes and behavior that you will be practicing. Doing your homework and practices are critical to your success, but they are more often about who you are being and how you show up for your life than what you actually do. Now, you may want to read a suggested book, complete a journaling activity, or have a needed conversation, but the expectation is that these aren’t things that will take hours of time commitment each week.
How will we work together?
We start by having a complimentary phone conversation to learn more about each other and to make sure that we are a good fit for each other. I’ll answer any further questions you have and if you’re ready to move forward, we can talk about which program and structure will make the most sense for you (or customize one). It might be individual coaching, couples coaching, or group coaching (up to 4 non-related individuals). We will talk about your goals and what makes the most sense to support you in achieving them.
When we work together, this is typically how it is structured:
Individual/Couple coaching sessions typically last 60 minutes and occur weekly; Group Coaching sessions typically last 120 minutes and occur bi-weekly.
They can happen over the phone, via video (Zoom/Skype) or in person at my office.
It works best to create a standing meeting (same day of the week and time) so there is a commitment as well as to minimize scheduling misunderstandings.
OK, I want to work with you! How do we get started?
It’s so easy! At the time you say the words “Allison, I want to work with you” (or some variation thereof), you’ll submit payment as agreed upon. Once the payment is made, we will schedule your first session and you’ll receive an email with a contract for your to sign and return to me. That’s it!
Do people ever re-up/continue past the initial contract?
Absolutely! There are typically two reasons that people will continue working with me:
They didn’t know what they didn’t know and so there is more work to be done either in their relationship or in other areas of their life. While I focus on relationships, I am a life coach and how I coach in one area translates into coaching in any area of your life.
They are having such great results and they know that life/relationships are always a work-in-progress and ever changing, and having a coach will keep them pushing forward and at their best so that all the work they put in doesn’t slowly regress. (Think of professional athletes that always have coaches for support, accountability and to challenge them to be better).
Do you accept credit cards?
Yes, I accept credit cards and online methods of payment (Venmo, Paypal etc).